My Wife said I had no sense of direction. I said where did that come from?

Ever try hide and seek with a bunch of chickens? They call it foul play.

I seem to have a fear of speed bumps. I am slowly getting over it.

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. I feel like I am dyeing inside.

What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A shadow

My wife asked if I had seen the dog bowl? I said I did not know he could.

Two satellites got married. The reception was fantastic

Where does bad light end up? In prism.

Eating a clock is very time-consuming. Especially when going back for seconds.

My landlord has been feeling inadequate lately. I told him it sounded like he had a complex.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.

What range is the Tuba? 20 yards if you have a good arm.

Dry-erase boards. They are remarkable.

What do you get if you boil a funny bone? A laughing stock.

6:30 is the best time, hands down.

Do you know how to make Himalayan rabbit? Find him a laying on the road.

What’s the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it to you.

I spent 20 years working on Limousines. I have nothing to chauffeur it.

I told my dad that I was cold. He said to go stand in the corner because it’s 90 degrees.

You can’t run through a campsite. You can only ran because it’s past tents.

What does a baby computer call its father? Data

How do you make rabbit stew? You keep it waiting.

Thanks for teaching me the meaning of plethora. It means a lot.

I have been accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Why do scuba divers roll backward off the boat? Because if they rolled forward they would still be in the boat.

Why are Kawala’s not really considered bears? Because they don’t meet the Kawalaifications.

What do you do when being attacked by clowns? Go for the juggler

What do you call a nun that sleepwalks? A Roman Catholic

Is Google a man or a woman? A woman because before you are done asking the question it’s already providing suggestions.

My wife loves the refrigerator I got her, every time she opens it her face lights up.

I don’t like stairs, they are always up to something.

A short mom is called, minimum.

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

The boss addressed the engineer, criticizing, “You’re terrible at your job. Do you even realize how many trains you’ve wrecked this year?” The engineer responded, “I don’t keep track.”

I went on a walk and when I got back my foot hurt, I then realized I had an arch nemesis.

I woke up grumpy this morning, I should have let her sleep in.